What makes them sexy? It’s not Science, it’s Chemistry

If I had the exact scientific formula to create the world’s sexiest man, I’d bottle it, sell it and make myself a bloody fortune. However, I don’t think the result would be the enigmatic actor Leonardo DiCaprio, a somewhat fickle male who has reportedly bagged no less than nine Victoria Secret’s models and who recently, it’s alleged, had his sights set firmly on our own lovely Laura Whitmore.

  You see, as women, we are often complicated and incomprehensible creatures – kind of explains why these models keep flocking towards serial boyfriend Leo, and why, when polled, many lady friends of my acquaintance voted for him as their ideal sexy man. An also-ran in my ‘sexy man poll’ is he whose waistbands are so high he should be singing falsetto with the Bee Gees; Simon Cowell. Well girls, I have to say, in my opinion, Laura Whitmore’s wannabe squeeze wouldn’t even have made it to the top three!

  Carlsberg don’t do sexy men – but if they did, and I was placed in charge of their marketing, (or for those in the posh seats, mooorkishing) – I’d champion someone who is confident, tender, sensitive and so caring he holds your hand (or rescues you) whilst crossing the road. Think Donal, the guy who plucks darling, little lost piglet Piggy Sue to safety in the Vodafone ad. 

  For me, sexiness is not just based on physical attraction; sure a bloke could look like Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons yet still turn me on, because once a man can carry out an intelligent conversation with me, hang onto my every syllable, look me in the eye when he’s talking to me so that I know he’s telling me the truth; and once he possesses a commanding vibe that makes other women green with envy, wishing they were in my stilettoes, then, in my book, he’s quite simply sex in a suit. Oh he’d also have to be kind to animals too!

  Some women find wealth a turn-on – and yes, I love money, I do – but what happens if his surname is Trump? Will his bulging bank balance be enough to hold your interest? Seriously girls, despite the fact this wannabe US President’s business acumen has obviously been blessed with guidance from Mother Nature; I mean, he’s clearly a money maker; I’m afraid his face (and hairline) must surely have been cursed by Father Time. So it’s a big fat ‘Yeuch’ from me when it comes to fancying  ‘the Donald.’

  However, as I carried out my mini-poll, I did notice the absence of any Irish male talent in my friends’ top totty list, so, for the record, here’s my two cents worth.

First off, without stating the obvious, he-who-must-be-obeyed is top of my list; but following in close proximity, and in no particular order; here are my ‘also rans.’

In our 1916 Rising  Centenary year, (and it’s the 20th anniversary of the movie Michael Collins), it’s got to be Liam Neeson for looking like, and for portraying  my all-time hero on the big screen. Liam is also a lover of my ‘must-have’ and ‘most desired’ motorbike, Harley Davidson.

Roscommon man, actor Chris O’Dowd, the quintessential homeboy done good, because he is so cute, so cuddly, so talented, so tall and he has never once forgotten his Oirish roots. When he played Officer Rhodes in Bridesmaids I’d have violated all kinds of traffic legislation in order to make sure Chris took down my particulars. In my opinion, dreamy O’Dowd clearly eclipses all other Hollywood hunks currently doing the rounds in La La Land by a mile.

With the Republic of Ireland set to possibly be the most supported team in the Euros (come on Ireland), former Ireland footie hero Niall Quinn makes my list because he was so sensitive and caring when, way back in 2002, he comforted younger team players following Ireland’s knock-out in the World Cup. Back then, I watched the entire disintegration poolside from a Turkish hotel and cried my eyes out; but don’t get me started on the Saipan incident!

Gabriel Byrne, because when he played the Devil in the movie End of Days I’d have had no problem selling him my soul.

Graham Norton. Yes, I know he’s gay and I don’t stand a chance, but he makes me laugh. There is nothing sexier than a man who’s not afraid to speak his mind and at the same time take the mickey out of himself…ahem, do please pardon the expression.

Lads, we only lie for your own good!

According to a survey carried out by UK insurance company Privilege, women are more likely to tell a few porkies than men…now wait, there’s method in our badness…we lie to make others feel better; so my interpretation of this is that we lie to keep the peace, thus resulting in damage limitation. 

  It’s my belief that when it comes to telling the odd porkie, women are more analytical and pay more attention to detail meaning when the situation demands that little white lie, well, we have a tendency to weave it into an intricately-sewn whopper. (I hope I’m never strapped into a lie detector, ‘cos it’d explode).

  Sometimes we women lie to make our partners feel better because if we told the truth all of the time their poor egos would plummet to the soles of their well-worn shoes. On the other hand, if your relationship isn’t strong and you’re unhappy, then those little white lies may border on deceit. My solution lads? – If you don’t want us to lie to you, don’t ask us so many damn questions!

  Here’s the Miriam Kerins method of making life run smoothly. When walking down the street with your man and a sexy Chris O’Dowd look-a-like strides by, resulting in you getting severe whiplash as you try to get a glimpse of his tight buttocks; in the interest of furthering inter-gender understanding, just say: “No darling, of course he’s not my type, he’s ugly;” even though you know every bloke over 6’ is your type!

  And that birthday gift he got you; well bite your tongue ladies, and, through clenched teeth mutter “Oooh, a set of kitchen knives, how thoughtful. Come over here and let me test them between your shoulder blades for sharpness.”

Cheryl and Liam…a genuine attraction?

According to The Sun newspaper, Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (32) and 1D’s Liam Payne (22) ‘are secret lovers.’ OMG he’s a kid! Ok, he’s a rich kid, but a kid nonetheless!

  Look, there’s no polite way to say this so I’ll just spit it out – there are so many things wrong with this alleged situation; whereby the suggestion that these two are engaging in a game of tonsil tennis and who must surely be on the rebound from previous relationships, an entire psychiatric conference could be based around it.

  On the other hand, Cheryl’s been living in the claustrophobic world of failed relationships for so long she’d  probably snog the leg of a table, leading me to worry that if these ‘secret lover’ allegations are true, Cheryl’s  possibly now reached what I’d call The Black Flag stage and needs to have a  massive reality check. I wish them both well.