Choosing to get married is possibly one of the most important and exciting decisions you’ll ever make in your life. However, while everyone, (particularly the happy couple), is on a high following the proposal and the preparations, it’s important not to get so caught up in the choosing of your outfits, the booking of your venue and the tasting of your sample menus, that you lose sight of the very reason why you chose to marry this wonderful person in the first place.
So, not wishing to burst holes in anyone’s little happy bucket, but with my sensible head on, I’m going to list some of the things couples should take into account before they walk up that aisle. You see, the very success, or sadly the failure of your marriage, may not just play a pivotal role in asking yourselves the following questions; it may hang precariously on it.
• As a couple, what are our goals? What do we want from this marriage/life together?
• Do we, as a couple want to have children? If so, how many and will one of us stay home to take care of them and who will that be?
• In order to plan our family, what type of birth control will we use and which of us will take on that responsibility?
• Does religion play an important role in our life and how do we plan to introduce this into our children’s lives?
• Do we, as a couple want to have family pets?
• What do we think our life together will look like in 20 years’ time?
• Has either of us ever been violent towards another person or an animal? Now for me this is a biggie and a red flag if either has. Personally, I don’t care if he hasn’t got a shirt button to call his own, once he’s caring and cherishes me.
• Why are we getting married?
• Will we both put the cap back on the toothpaste/put things away? Ah it’s a small one I know, but for some neat freaks (me) it can be huge!
• How will we divide the household finances? Are we savers or splurgers, and is this going to cause problems down the line?
• Are either of us coming into the marriage with a lot of financial debt? If so, how much and how do we plan to clear it?
• How will we deal with problems/conflict in our marr a iage? Will we avoid it or discuss it?
Personally, on that last point, I’m a ‘get it out in the open’ type who can’t hold it in; but I do hope I’ve given you some food for thought regarding your expectations around mounting bills, dirty nappies, sleepless nights, doggy dirt and the role they all play in long-term marriage sustainability.
Remember, it’s not all about choosing the wedding singer, the flowers or making plans around having a fabulous big day; it’s about having a marriage!