So many Secret Santas…how will I remember who to buy for?

All I’m saying is, I passed your house FOUR times, and you waved at me every time! So nice of you!

Never happened!

It most certainly did! I went into town and back twice, and on each occasion you had a big, friendly wave. Actually, you seemed quite animated!

I have no recollection…

You were waving your hands frantically from the upstairs window…I’ve never known you to be so friendly! At one stage, you playfully waved the sweeping brush at me!

Oh, that! I wasn’t waving at you! I was trying to erect our outdoor lights! It’s a task that requires balance, patience, timing…the brush is a key part of the…torture!

Oh, okay! Did you succeed?

Eventually! I got the lights up, but the brush ended up on the dog’s head!


(They pause to check if their respective Christmas lights displays are still working; they are)


I can’t believe you went along with everything in the pub on Saturday night…


The Secret Santa of my nightmares!

Oh, sorry…

Thanks to you, we’re in a Secret Santa with four of the pub regulars!

I know, I know…

Suddenly I’m in Kris Kindle – or Secret Santa – with my family, my wife’s family, my work colleagues, and now the pub regulars! HELP!

Do you remember who you’re buying for?

I don’t even remember where I put the printout of the Excel Spreadsheet with all the details on it!

Don’t type the details anywhere, it’s all meant to be secret!

But how am I supposed to remember who I’m buying for?!

There’s no need to panic…

No need to panic! It gets so confusing. Last year, I mixed up my wife’s present with yours! You got her expensive perfume…and she wasn’t too pleased with that footballer’s autobiography!

It was nice perfume…

As for adding on the pub regulars, what in God’s name are we meant to buy them? What do you get for the Pub Bore?

A gym voucher that can only be used at the precise time you and I go for our midweek pint?

Excellent! But seriously, my head will be wrecked with all these different Secret Santa inclusions…

You can do it! Tokens rule!

Well, I’d like to make some creative choices too! It’s SO stressful!

It’s fine, there’s over two weeks to go.

As long as all this purchasing for others doesn’t distract me too much…I need to make sure I look after my nearest and dearest!

Thank you, I appreciate that!

I kind of meant…my wife!

Okay! Well, if you get into any last-minute difficulty, I haven’t used all that perfume from last year!