Rugby woe: seeking refuge with Jacob and Boris




That was grim viewing on Saturday morning…not suitable for children, or indeed for rugby fans or dreamers. New Zealand 46 Ireland 14.

  Ireland made a tame exit from the Rugby World Cup, fanciful dreams of immortality dashed, live from Tokyo. Reality TV indeed. Always knew that Japanese reality TV could be scary enough!

  It was the great Moss Keane who once summed up an Ireland match thus: ‘The first half was even, the second half was even worse’.

  On Saturday, the first half wasn’t even even, if you follow. The first half was bad for Ireland, the second half wasn’t much better. Playing for pride, mused RTE commentator Hugh Cahill, but I’m not sure many viewers were in the mood to embrace salvaged pride.

  Back in studio, when we had been taken out of our misery, the guests were grim-faced, like revellers who had been told that a big party had been called off. Only Eddie O’Sullivan had the stomach for an immediate postmortem.

  All that was missing was a band playing ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life’. I didn’t have the stomach for dour Eddie. I switched channels, seeking refuge in Boris and Jacob. Yes, you know it’s a bad afternoon when you’re switching over to a Brexit Debate to lift the gloom.


Word tells a thousand Pictures…

Previous owners of the magnificent cinema in Roscommon Town tried their best to keep the project (and projector) going, but I always felt that one basic error had been made: there was never a proper sign on the outside of the premises!

  I was delighted then to see that the new owners (Omniplex) recently put a sign in place. Great move! Better still if they could, in time, advertise the week’s movies outside the cinema, in the great tradition of cinemas worldwide!

  For now, good move. They say a picture tells a thousand words…you could say that here we have one word (‘Omniplex’) telling a thousand (motion) pictures…


Power of advertising!

Tuesday morning was beautiful. The town was awake and positively beaming, the to-ing and fro-ing underway.

  I noticed the big van parked just up from Roscommon Fire Station. Maybe it’s been around a while; I hadn’t noticed it before. But I noticed it now. Bright yellow in colour, it had a dramatic message, in huge lettering – ‘Killers for Hire’.

  It was parked just under a big poster for a circus (no, the election posters aren’t up yet, this is an actual circus, not a political one).

  The circus poster under the ‘Killers for Hire’ van said: ‘Daredevil circus’. I was confused. What was going on? Killer clowns?

  ‘Killers for Hire’. I knew that Roscommon’s fire-fighting heroes haven’t branched into freelance killing for hire. Then I looked more closely. All was revealed. In much, much smaller lettering on both sides of the van, below ‘Killers for Hire’…were the words: ‘Japanese Knotweed’.

  It’s my advertisement of the week.

At least this happened…

Midst all the gloom that inhabits this world, there was some welcome good news, and the prospect of some welcome mischief and joy and amusement in 2020.

  Yeah, Davy Fitz has signed up for two more years as manager of Wexford hurlers… 


In this week’s episode of PRESS THAT BUTTON! (And win an afternoon off work for a friend)…

  Our first contestant is Timmy from Clare…he’s a Fianna Fáil TD and his hobbies include holding the Government to account while looking as if butter most certainly would not melt in his mouth. Timmy’s playing partner is Niall from Limerick, also a Fianna Fáil TD and part-time altar boy.

  In today’s episode (recorded earlier) watch as Timmy and Niall meet up in the Dáil Chamber. Prepare to be astonished as Timmy whispers sweet nothings in Niall’s ear, points at his seat and then disappears. Prepare to be thrilled as Niall then sits in Timmy’s seat and votes for him (six times) while Timmy remains absent from the chamber.

  After the break: Our next contestant is Lisa from Mayo, also a Fianna Fáil TD. Her hobbies include tendencies towards smugness and being above reproach. Watch as Lisa tells RTE Radio that she has never voted on behalf of a colleague. Tune in later when Lisa reveals that she has voted on behalf of a colleague. Prepare to be entertained royally as Lisa explains that she sat in Dara Colleary’s seat by mistake…casting a vote on his behalf. Drama then as Lisa reveals that she realised she was in the wrong seat, then sat into her own seat and (thankfully) remembered to cast her own vote. Prepare to try to keep a straight face when Lisa explains that the reason she told RTE earlier that she had never voted for a colleague was because she took the question to mean…had she ever ‘intentionally’ or ‘knowingly’ voted for someone else.

  Next, our popular ‘X the TD’ segment – based on the old X the Ball competitions – in which we show you footage of the Dáil chamber, just as an important vote is due to take place, and invite members of the public to guess where their local TD is located (if at all).

  Coming soon: Your chance to vote for or against our TDs. Make sure you vote (or ask a friend to do it for you…) 

* In case I’m accused of advocating personation, I should stress that I didn’t write the above piece…I got a friend to write it while I was absent from the office.