Quirky, alternative gifts for D’Mammy!

Sometimes, choosing a pressie for mammy dearest can prove a bit daunting…I mean, what if she’s a woman who doesn’t drink alcohol, like going to pubs or to see a show, isn’t into perfume, doesn’t go for the whole hearts and flowers stuff and complains about the stuffiness of busy restaurants? Luckily, I tick none of the above boxes. I love the aul bia, deoch, ceol, damhsa agus bláthanna ‘cos I’m a real social butterfly, meaning it’s really easy for my girls to give me gifts on Mother’s Day…when they remember.  However, if you’ve got an awkward…okay, contrary Mammy, and you’re stressing out over what to get her, we’ve got a few alternative suggestions we hope will help you out.


Undie overhaul


Encourage her to discard the frumpy Mrs. Brown aul wan look and get her some nice fashionable but tasteful underwear or nightwear that will encourage her to reinvent herself and get out of her ‘I’m a middle-aged woman’ funk. You see, most mammies never think of buying decent undies for themselves and instead opt for the ‘five for a fiver,’ knicker deal.


Homage to her hero


Help Mammy celebrate Mother’s Day by buying her something that pays homage to her favourite movie, favourite song, or her favourite hero of all time. My most cherished quirky gifts are a replica of the NCC-1701-D, a Galaxy class cruiser from Star Trek, The Next Generation series, a Tricorder and a crew shirt. All I’m missing is Captain Jean Luc Picard! Swoon.


Hire a cleaner


Give mammy a day off by hiring her a deep cleaner to tackle all those difficult-to-reach and horrendous cleaning jobs every one of us absolutely hates, like cleaning the cooker and hoovering behind the freezer or steaming stains out of the carpet or throw rugs, etc.


Facilitate that frustrated superstar trouper


Are you sick of listening to her lament about how, if she hadn’t got married as a teenager, she’d now be on Dancing with the Stars critiquing as a professional judge? Yep…my kids are fed up hearing all about my glitterball glory days and how, when mammy was a young teen, before she met their da, was the Ireland/British Disco-Jive Dance Champ, (trophies an’ all folks), played ‘Sandy’ in a big stage production of Grease and ‘Yum Yum’ in the Mikado; and could actually have been big, nay huge, in America…or was that Armagh? Either way, get yer mammy some salsa classes or guitar lessons if she’s any way, er, artistically crushed. Facilitate that poor woman’s dreams and frustrations for God’s sake!