FRIDAY
Tea Totals
Not content with their ruthless reduction in the amount of crisps now grudgingly included in individual bags in multipacks – an issue of public concern that I’ve raised here previously – the Shrinkflation Scoundrels turned their attention to numerous other household staples.
Also slashed by the Shrinkflation Scoundrels were breakfast cereals, snacks/biscuits and frozen foods. Unimpressed consumers are now accustomed to shrunken breakfast cereal boxes, lighter multipacks, and fewer sweets in the tin… with many items clearly lighter in weight than before.
Being subtle about all of this miserliness is at the heart of the shrinkflation scourge, an approach which suggests those responsible know they’re on delicate ground. Be that as it may, it appears it might have gone too far; I’ve received reports that the sacrosanct giant of Irish cultural life – drinking tea – is now on their radar.
In fact, this may have been going on for some time, but it’s only now come to my attention. It appears – and I don’t write these words lightly – that, in their most audacious move yet, the Shrinkflation Scoundrels have come for… teabags.
Yes, according to my sources, the humble teabag is also a target. Not only are there fewer teabags in boxes (which we could learn to cope with), much more disastrously, some brands appear to have actually reduced the weight of individual teabags.
This means that as we wearily browse our increasingly terrifying shopping bills over a supposedly comforting cuppa, we are doing so over historically weak tea. Talk about adding insult to injury!
SATURDAY
Communications breakdown
I have sympathy for now-former White House press secretary Katie Zacharia, who served in the role for less than a week following what was widely considered to be a hapless first – and last – engagement with the media.
In that inept debut, Zacharia made a rambling speech before taking just three questions from reporters – and one of them related to how she was going to combine family life (husband and four children) with the role of press secretary, a challenge she no longer faces as of today.
With the media suddenly focussed on her, and not her boss (President Trump), Zacharia tried to defend herself on Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News. Adopting my day-by-day diary-style approach, the embattled communications chief explained the background.
She had received a call at her home in California on Wednesday, flew to Washington Thursday, was offered the job on Friday, flew home to California Saturday, back to Washington on Sunday, was asked to start on Monday, and held her first press briefing Tuesday.
She was gone by Saturday.
Hannity got more than three questions in, one of which concerned Zacharia’s claim to be a lawyer – a slight exaggeration, given she never passed the Bar exam.
Her rapid departure from the role seems to have mirrored the football manager template in England, whereby an inevitable parting of the ways is diplomatically described as having happened ‘by mutual consent’. In soccer parlance, one might observe that Zacharia had lost the dressing room, even before she had met all the players. Her five-day tenure makes Brian Clough’s 44-day reign at Leeds resemble the career of a Chinese emperor of old. Her prospects of staying on were hardly helped by President Trump saying “you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to” and “honestly, if I were you, I’d reconsider”.
It wasn’t the best of weeks either for Anthony Scaramucci. During Trump’s chaotic first term, the president fired Scaramucci after just ten days as White House Communications Director. Scaramucci now knows he’s no longer the answer to a quiz question, or the ‘main character’ when internet search engines ask about historically short-lived stints under President Trump.
It was a particularly bad week for Katie Zacharia, though she has been admirably stoic about it all, and may even be enjoying her new-found fame. I guess she could always write a diary-style account of her week. Personally, I’ll stick to my more sedate Saturdays. Isn’t it frustrating when you have to try to dislodge toast from the toaster after it’s jammed?
SUNDAY
Hyde heroics
No surprise that today’s big match at Hyde Park lived up to its billing. It could hardly have been otherwise, given the pedigree of the protagonists. St Brigid’s and Pádraig Pearses produced another epic. Defending champions St Brigid’s were two points ahead on the stroke of full-time, only for Tom Butler to serve up a sensational finish, his two-pointer rescuing Pearses and sending the game into extra-time. St Brigid’s retained the title on a 1-25 to 2-16 scoreline. See full coverage in our sports section.
MONDAY
Observant onlooker
In one of the British tabloids (online), there’s a photo of Match of the Day presenters Kelly Cates and Mark Chapman, who are now dating. The paper breathlessly reports that they’ve been “spotted together for the first time since romance revealed”.
Our old friend the ‘onlooker’ is quoted: “Mark and Kelly were smiling and laughing together and walking in sync.”
The celebrity spotter/conveniently located onlooker is a curious species. Mind you, forgive me for being a touch sceptical. Who, if asked to comment on a celebrity couple, would naturally volunteer that they were “walking in sync”? Of course there’s always the possibility that the fearless tabloid team fortuitously encountered a body language expert who also happens to be an avid soccer fan.
In any event, the onlooker is further quoted: “They were wearing matching trainers which was quite sweet.”
More on this story as it breaks…
TUESDAY
Haughey & Browne
I’m looking forward to reading Vincent Browne’s book on Charlie Haughey, which is being published this week. At the height of their respective powers, Browne was a journalistic nemesis of the controversial three-time Taoiseach, but in Haughey’s twilight years they developed a close friendship and often gathered in Kinsealy for reflective chats.
I met both men a few times. Much to my satisfaction, this exposed me to their famous withering looks and propensity to sigh. Browne was perfectly cordial, with hints of his characteristic eccentricity and gruffness. Vincent is a hero of mine. Haughey had incredible gravitas and presence, and was a fascinating character to engage with, however briefly.
‘Charles Haughey: Glory, Greed and Guns’ promises to be a fascinating read.
