Oh you fickle man! Don’t tell me you’re suddenly playing darts!

I heard you were in our local the other night!

Well, it’s just you said you were doing Dry January!


But I heard you were in the pub! Besides, we should be doing these life-affirming things together!

I can still be in the pub, even if I’m not having a pint! Pubs are also for people who don’t drink alcohol, you know!

So you’re NOT having a pint during January?

Actually, I am…

But you said you were going to do Dry January! You’re so weak!

I couldn’t do it unless you signed up too – after all, we’re a team!



(They pause to fondly remember Franz Beckenbauer and JPR Williams, respective legends of football and rugby, both of whom sadly passed away earlier this week)


So, if you ARE having a pint, why didn’t you give me a call?

Oh I knew you wouldn’t be interested…

Since when?

Well, I mean, it was just me and a couple of the younger lads…


… and the board…

The board of the pub? Our pub has a board of directors?

NO! The dart board! And I knew from our previous chat that you wouldn’t be interested in THAT!

Oh you fickle man! Don’t tell me you’re suddenly playing darts!

YES! Why not?
SO FICKLE! I mean, Luke Littler takes the darts world by storm, and suddenly you’re going around with the young fellas, trying to relive your youth!


I see Eddie the Eagle is appearing on Dancing on Ice. Does that mean you’ll be taking up skating? (Editor: Surely you mean skiing?)

NO! Please don’t trivialise this conversation!

So, how did it go? The darts?

Excellent! I had a 26-dart finish in one game, clinically rounded off with a double one!

See you in the Ally Pally next year, pal!


(They pause to check if the TV programme ‘Traitors’ is a real-life political drama; it isn’t)


Fair play to Luke Littler, but Luke Humphries actually won the darts!

True! What a start to the sporting year it was!

Then St Brigid’s beat Castlehaven!

Yes, a great win! But Castlerea, who deserved to win their semi-final, just lost out!

Yes, hard luck Castlerea, but they can be proud of their exploits. By the way, I’m only teasing you about your darts comeback! Enjoy rolling back the years, it’s just not for me!

Ah, thanks! I’m from the era of Eric Bristow and John Lowe! I honestly think I could make the current Roscommon team if I practice enough!

Well, you do remind me of the late Jocky Wilson just a little…

Gifted? Clinical? Super-cool?

Nah, nothing to do with darts… you’re fond of a pint, and a likeable character!