Miriam’s musings

I’m glad ‘that’ ad has

gone…and here’s why!


Parental alert…this week’s column contains ‘adult content’. Readers, (more than likely the ladies), will be aware of ‘that’ TV advertisement staging what looks like a mock-up of a low-rent chat show with the ‘host’ encouraging us to, ahem, insert a tampon correctly. Yeah, you know the one! Okay; well then you’re probably also aware that this advert has been banned by the Advertising Standards Authority of Ireland (ASAI) – and rightly so!

However, not everyone shares my opinion. For example, Newstalk’s Ciara Kelly is annoyed at the banning, believing it’s just one more example of shaming women’s bodies, saying, “the only reason this ad was taken down and 84 complaints in a population of six million odd nearly, is it’s to do with shame”. Nay, nay Ciara, this ad has been banned because it’s in poor taste.

For me, the makers of this crass ad are making the assumption that Ireland is crawling with a gaggle of braindead women who believe our menstrual cycles are a problem that need to be solved! And while I do welcome a more open and honest conversation regarding menstruation, (because it shouldn’t be a taboo subject), the fact is, discussing women’s periods and intimate parts of our anatomies in such a condescending fashion is just downright weird. I mean, do the product-makers assume we’re all dimwits who require peak-time education through the medium of infotainment?

Look, let me explain. I don’t find the term, “you gotta get ‘em up there girls,” to be ‘offensive’ or ‘crude’ or ‘vulgar,’ (words used by snowflakes, sorry, complainants), but I am delighted the content is no longer on our screens because quite simply, it was point-blank patronising and condescending to women. Okay, I suppose in banning it the ASAI has pandered to the perpetually outraged, the moaning minnies and the whingers, and I do hate to see these politically correct, social oppressors gaining ground, but in this instance, so be it.

Personally, I was never one of those women who’d surreptitiously slip my tampon up my sleeve or push it deep into my pocket in order not to offend onlookers, and advertisements flogging these products never normally annoy me. So why has this one irritated me? Well, ‘the guest’ in this ad is being depicted as a victim, a prisoner of her own body. A poor soul, way too stupid to cope with what is, let’s face it, a vital monthly feminine bodily function. Of course, the lunatic feminist brigade will disagree with me. They’ll take exception at the disappearance of the relatable young wan instructing the eejit how she can drink tea, gorge on biccies and insert a tampon correctly.

But bottom line ladies, no ad extoling the brilliance of a sanitary product is ever going to help us turn our lives around to such a degree all thoughts of menstrual pains, bloating, throbbing headaches and hormonal surges strong enough to entertain homicidal thoughts will magically disappear.

Maybe I’m wrong, but to my mind, two women on TV (one an expert, the other an idiot), explaining the intricacies of feminine hygiene devices to the sisterhood is far from liberating!


Where do you stand on ‘Mercs

and Ministers’ now, Simon?


According to a 2011 decision taken by government, when it comes to a State car complete with Garda driver, only An Taoiseach, the Tánaiste and the Minister for Justice should be permitted this perk. Therefore, shouldn’t it follow that, as Minister for Foreign Affairs, Simon Coveney, being technically demoted from his position as Tánaiste, (now occupied by Leo), should no longer have the privilege of such a job benefit! I think not!

But wait, isn’t this the same Simon Coveney who, (when in opposition with Fine Gael) and as spokesperson for Transport, made the rallying cry to the troops that ‘there can be no sacred cows when the country is in fiscal crisis, and the government must lead by example in cutting unnecessary expenditure’? Indeed, (and I could be wrong) during the run-up to the 2011 general election, didn’t Mr. Coveney pledge his party would ensure that ‘Mercs and Ministers’ will no longer be associated with each other?

Hmmm, I wonder what tree-hugger Eamon ‘share a car amongst yourselves’ Ryan feels about this debacle! Indeed, during one of his many bonkers car-pooling sermons, Mr. Ryan emphatically condemned such wastage, whinging, ‘you don’t spend money on something that’s sitting idle for 95 per cent of the time’. Well if that’s the case, perhaps Sleeping Beauty should prepare himself for a ‘slackening-off-on-the-job,’ pay cut…or should I say a phantom pay cut! That’s right Eamon, you pretend to work love, and we’ll pretend to pay you!


Codladh sámh to the

boy from the Bogside


There’s no doubt in my mind that, along with my heroes Michael Collins and Martin McGuinness, (the latter ultimately choosing dialogue over the reactionary instinct to engage in violence), John Hume is indeed one of the greatest Irish patriots that ever lived.

Completely unfazed by a barrage of threats and criticisms during his political life, John Hume was a purposeful and formidable man. Through his unselfish and heroic efforts, this humanitarian didn’t just dedicate his life to uniting us, he lifted us up when he gifted us with the peace we so desperately craved and deserved. Codladh sámh John.


Thank you Judge Keane


As an animal lover and welfare advocate, and as one of the main consultative bodies in drawing up the Dog Breeding Establishment Act 2010, I’d like to say a massive thank you to Judge Marie Keane for closing down John and Mary Boland’s puppy farm. I have zero tolerance with anyone that operates illegally and shows zero compassion for any animal in their care.

People who make money off their innocent, vulnerable animals will always prioritise profit and volume over welfare, and I’m so glad this cruelty has not only been publicly highlighted, but that it has, once and for all, been stopped. Good on you Judge Keane. By putting an end to this greedy pairs’ puppy mill days, you’ve hopefully ended the horrific cycle of suffering endured for hundreds, possibly thousands, of innocent little lives. God bless you.