May I remind you that our column was left out last week! An outrage!

Well, that was a nightmare!


That week we’ve just had!

Okay… I know Roscommon lost to Mayo, but we’re still in the All-Ireland race, and the sun’s out, and…

No! I don’t mean the wider world, I mean the week you and I have had!

US? How so?

My friend, may I remind you that our column was left out last week! An outrage!

Oh that…a left out rage even!

Huh! Point is, there was no column on page two last week. We were dropped! The most ruthless dropping since Alf Ramsey left Jimmy Greaves out of the England World Cup team in 1966!

Well that topical reference will cheer the Editor up! So you’re still upset that our column didn’t appear last week?

UPSET? I’m furious! Like I’ve been predicting for years, he wants to get rid of us! This is the first formal step in that process! WE MUST RESIST!

(They pause to check if there have been any more VAR (Video Assistant Referee) controversies in the Premier League over the previous hour or so)

Point is…

No, I actually agree with you. It’s looking serious for us. Did you get any explanation from the Editor?

Oh he sent me a rambling email, something about being away on a brief holiday, time pressures, space limitations…

SPACE LIMITATIONS? He didn’t use that old chestnut, did he? Surely our waffle, I mean wisdom, should be the first submission he approves every week?

You’d think! Anyways, I think he was just trying to rise me. He also mentioned that we had missed the deadline last week!

Missed the deadline? Does he realise the trouble we go to? We hand-wrote last week’s column on 28 beermats, got the pub bore to proof-read it, then the barman typed it on his phone, and we emailed it in at 1.30 am!

Yeah, but we marked it ‘Boyos’ column, down with Joe Brolly’, I think that might have irked the Editor!

(They pause to place a bet on Bambie Thug to win the Eurovision Song Contest)

It upset readers…


Our column being left out…


An old lady stopped me on the street…

Kind of heartening…

She said her grandchild was unhappy.  

Brilliant! Younger readers! That will impress the Editor.

Well, apparently he likes that caricature of us that appears with the column… he scribbles over it every week!

Huh! You know, we may need some form of VAR to save us…

WHAT? A team of former editors and columnists to review our column?

NO! People power! The readers will campaign to save us! VAR… VERY ANGRY READERS!