THURSDAY
All through Thursday, the boyos took soundings. From family, advisers, consultants, mentors, gurus, confidants, two American tourists who asked them for directions to Strokestown House, and from a long-haired chap in a tweed jacket whom they bumped into while on a walk in Loughnaneane Park.
The sense of hurt was overwhelming. Their column had been left out – yet again.
In the park, they felt people were looking at them, pointing, whispering. Were the ducks looking at them too? Who can say? Can ducks whisper?
Boyo 1 looked up.
“Enough of this wallowing in self-pity!”
Startled, the ducks also looked up. But Boyo 1 was addressing Boyo 2.
“It’s time for firm action! I’ve just fired a WhatsApp to the Editor demanding that he furnishes us with a hefty once-off gift by morning… as compensation for our latest public humiliation.”
FRIDAY MORNING
To the boyos’ surprise, they received a call from the People office.
“The Editor has left an envelope at reception for you. It’s marked: ‘Hefty once-off gift’. Please collect.”
Excited, they opened it together. But… the sense of anticlimax! No money. No apology. Just two complimentary tickets which the Editor obviously didn’t want himself!
FRIDAY EVENING
They arrived at the Late Late Show shortly after 7 pm.
“I can’t STAND the Country Music Special!” Boyo 1 complained (for the umpteenth time). “We should have refused to take these tickets!”
Their morale improved greatly when they blagged their way into the Green Room (hurriedly flashing Roscommon People press passes). By their third glass of champagne, they began to hatch a plan to get Priscilla Presley’s autograph.
Patrick Kielty popped in to greet the night’s celebrity guests. On seeing the boyos, he looked confused.
“We’re backing singers for Daniel O’Donnell” Boyo 1 quipped, in between hiccups, but Kielty didn’t seem to find that funny.
At 9.20 pm, the host put on a Stetson and made for studio.
A crew member called out: “All guests and audience members make your way towards studio… please!”
Minutes later, the boyos found themselves in an elevator with Daniel O’Donnell, Declan Nerney and Priscilla Presley. They (the boyos) still had their champagne glasses. Nerney looked at the wall, O’Donnell looked at his shoes, Presley looked bewildered.
Enthusiastically, the boyos engaged the trio of superstars in small talk, highlight of which was a suggestion that they perform together in a forthcoming Eugene Murphy Carbaret Show in Strokestown.
Outside the studio doors, Boyo 1 grabbed his friend. “That autograph from Priscilla! Go back and ask for it! IT’S NOW OR NEVER!”
When he returned to take his seat five minutes later, Boyo 2 looked a touch rueful.
“The bad news is… Priscilla blanked me. Even when I said I’m a big fan of her late husband, and that I do a tidy Elvis impersonation.”
“And the good news?”
“Eh… I got Declan Nerney’s autograph!”
