So… can you run this super new idea by me again?
Profile raising! I’m focussed on profile raising!
For this column?
No, my friend… for me!
Just you?
Well, for you too… by extension!
Er…
Look, you know about my political ambitions?
Aren’t they our political ambitions?
Well yes, but with me as the actual politician, and you as my right-hand man!
Huh! So me as your Director of Elections?
AND key advisor!
So no actual perks for me?
Oh please my friend, don’t be negative! This is about principles, not perks! Actually, that’s a brilliant slogan, jot it down please!
Noted!
And if I get elected – I mean when I get elected – you’ll be straight in as my parliamentary secretary!
So you’re bypassing the Council?
Straight to the Dáil!
And once I’m in, there’s no reason why you can’t run in a neighbouring constituency! We’ll be a two-TD team!
Like the Healy-Raes?
Well, like ourselves! The Boyos Party!
(They pause to watch Saturday’s Six Nations’ action, while still rueing Ireland’s hammering at the hands of France)
So what’s this big ‘profile raising’ plan?
Videos!
Huh?
Videos of me online…. on a daily basis! They’re all doing it! All the politicians! I must get into that space!
THAT’S IT? THAT’S THE PLAN?
There’s more! I’m going to associate myself with major public figures. I’ll interview them, challenge them, confront them where necessary…. all on camera! I’ve already started!
Tell me more…
Last Thursday. Ballinasloe. The Taoiseach arrives with his entourage. Fine, he was there to launch a housing development, but I still felt I needed to challenge him about housing policy. SO I DECIDED I’LL GET IN THERE, AHEAD OF ALL THE OTHER MEDIA! The plan? Have a blunt video exchange and wait for it to GO VIRAL!
Brilliant! Can I see the footage?
Eh they wouldn’t let me near him…
Oh dear!
LATER ON THURSDAY. Sean Mulryan’s in Roscommon Town. I go along! This is one of Ireland’s most successful businessmen! A true Rossie! A great supporter of Roscommon GAA!
Brilliant! Did you get a video of him endorsing you? Can I see the footage?
Eh, he was gone. I was late. But the main thing is, I’m developing a strategy!
Oh this is going nowhere! You really do need me to help you strategise!
Okay, maybe so!
Next time there’s a major celebrity in Roscommon we need to get them to launch your campaign on video….
YES!
Someone who’s measured, polite, diplomatic… someone who won’t want the limelight themselves.
Brilliant! Let’s link up with Bob Geldof when he comes to that festival in Boyle in May!
