I’ll be the People’s Candidate! You and me together, we’ll be unbeatable!

I can’t believe it’s August!

It was August last week, when we wrote that week’s column!

Oh, was it? Sure I don’t pass much heed!


(Editor: You and…)


If it’s August, we won’t find it ‘til…


All I’m saying is it won’t be long ‘til the return of s…

Don’t mention the S-word!

Just saying it’s August, it won’t be long ‘til the return of the s…

PLEASE! Don’t mention the return of school! PLEASE!

Oh I’m not talking about the return of school, I’m talking about the return of the soccer season across the pond.

Actually, the soccer season HAS returned across the pond, that’s why the Editor was a nervous wreck on Sunday, when Leeds were playing!

Huh! Leeds! Sure they’re in the Championship now. I’m on about the return of the Premier League! Is it back soon?

Yes, this Friday!


(They pause to get their sunglasses out as the weather takes an unexpected turn for the better)


I can’t believe…

It’s August! Just accept it!

No, I can’t believe you’re still talking about running for election!

But I’ve been inundated with offers!

But have you the right temperament?


You’re too reactionary!

That’s outrageous! How dare you!

My point proven!


(They pause to watch the Women’s World Cup)


Local or national?


If you run for election next year – or the year after – is your focus local or national?

Well, I’m glad you asked me that…but I dunno, not yet!


Mmnn what?

It’s a rather crowded field…


Both locally and nationally. I mean, you might be better off opting for an easier life…

Nah! I’m up for the battle. It’s a dream team! Me as the candidate, you as my Director of Elections.

I think, er, you also need to be aware that there will be formidable opposition out there, you know, on the ballot paper…

Nah! I can take them all! I’ll be the People’s Candidate! You and me together, we’ll be unbeatable! Besides, there are no other new candidates emerging.

Well, I’ve heard rumours…

Nah! The field’s open to me! With you as my Director of Elections!

I may have to come back to you on that offer…


I’ve actually been approached by a number of people, asking ME to put my name forward! Hello? Hello? DON’T HANG UP! We can talk about this! You could be my PR Consultant! We could even talk to Noel Kelly! HELLO?!


(To be continued)


(Editor: Don’t bet on it!)