Hold the back page: A Dub’s timely guide to Roscommon

Let’s face it; leaving home can be a daunting experience, especially when visiting foreign and exotic parts of the world previously unheard of.

Fear not, the Roscommon People are here to provide a travel guide for visitors to the town this weekend. Roscommon is situated just off the M6, somewhere between Kinnegad and Galway.

The county’s main exports are sheep and Chris O’Dowd (the funny actor). According to most meteorological reports, Roscommon enjoys a temperate climate. This is absolute rubbish.

There will probably be low temperatures with rainfall during your visit so wear warm and waterproof clothes.

Wellies may also be useful if going anywhere near the Hyde Park pitch, so befriend a culchie between now and Sunday and borrow a pair!

According to many guidebooks, English is the most common language spoken in Roscommon. This is mostly true, I think.

If confused about anything just smile politely, comment on ‘the grand stretch in the evenings’ and offer to buy a pint. Hopefully there’ll be no follow-up questions.

The people of Roscommon are extremely friendly so don’t be surprised by offers of lifts, drinks and invites to Sunday Dinner during your stay.

Most pubs, shops and hotels in the town accept the euro so there’s no need to change currency before departing Dublin.

The price of a drink and eating out is also much cheaper in Roscommon. There are plenty of restaurants and pubs in the area offering traditional Irish fare as well as more exotic dishes.

Keep in mind that Coddle is called ‘stew’ and most takeaways stock battered sausages.

Don’t be surprised if the Hyde Park pitch (if passed) resembles the National Aquatic Centre on Sunday.

The ground might not be the best in the world but Roscommon supporters and officials are great craic and the team plays an entertaining and energetic brand of football.

Enjoy your visit to the home of the sheep stealers and don’t be surprised if the Dubs face their toughest test so far in this year’s National Football League.