Oh, what a week!
HOW SO?
I’ve become embroiled in the presidential election!
You’re not still on about that, are you?
Huh?
About running? You’re not serious about trying to get a nomination to contest the presidential election? I mean, I know you have your contacts and so on…
Yes, I do have my contacts! Michael ‘Fitz’ has been known to take my advice! Remember that time I had a long conversation with him at a public meeting?
Well, I remember that time he very patiently listened to you at a public meeting! Anyways, what’s up?
I’ll tell you what’s up! I’ve become embroiled in this election! That’s what’s up! I feel like Brian Lenihan in 1990 all over again!
(They pause to gasp as Armenia go 2-0 up against Ireland in a World Cup qualifier that’s slowly turning into Nightmare on Street-in-Armenia)
Will I tell you?
I expect you will!
First, I made contact with JD.
JD Vance? Wow, you aim big! What, an email asking the US vice-president for advice?
No, not that JD! Our own JD!
Our JD?
Yes… Joanna Donnelly. The former weather presenter!
Oh, didn’t she hastily withdraw from the presidential election the other day?
Er… yes. And it may or may not have had something to do with my intervention.
Huh?
I sent Joanna an email… offering to assist with her campaign. I had all these wonderful weather puns lined up. Super soundbites! I offered to meet her to discuss a launch. Unfortunately, she went on the Tonight Show with Kieran Cuddihy before I got talking to her. That was the end of Joanna’s campaign!
Oh dear! Are you sure she received your email?
Well I can’t be sure, but Joanna’s gone now anyway!
So…
So, next I called Jim Gavin. Or rather, I called a mutual friend.
Seriously?
Yes! You know I wrote to him several times over the GAA rule changes?
So you said…
So the other day, I contacted a friend of Jim’s, just offering to head up his team.
AND?
I haven’t heard anything back yet, but it’s early days!
So, is that the extent of your presidential election ups and downs?
Well, I still haven’t ruled out seeking a nomination myself! I’ve left messages with a number of Roscommon councillors.
What are they saying?
Er… they’ve to get back to me!
(They pause to try to come to terms with Ireland’s defeat to Armenia)
Hey my friend, what about this World Cup disaster for the Irish team?
Well, I did say at the time that Hallgrimsson wasn’t the right man for the job.
An unknown manager?
Yeah, but he’s also a dentist… I knew from day one we might find this… a little bit painful!
