Hey my friend, I meant to ask you the other day…
Yeah?
Where did you go to during the World Cup final?
Huh?
We were having a pint, next thing you were gone… for nearly half an hour!
Oh I couldn’t watch that half-time show! Honestly!
Where did you disappear to?
The smoking area!
But you don’t smoke!
Yeah, but I enjoy chatting to people…
We were chatting!
Yeah, but I just couldn’t watch that half-time show! Fancy a 25-minute show during half-time in the World Cup final! The Americans thought they were hosting the ‘world’ superbowl!
You missed Madonna…
GOOD!
And Tom Cruise…
That’s okay, I’ll be first in the queue to meet him when he comes home to Kilteevan, from whence his ancestors came!
Whence? Wow..
You also missed the two lovable old geezers in the posh seats who kept commenting, pointing and smirking throughout it all!
Trump and that FIFA guy, Gianni Infantino, lovable? I think not!
Not Trump and Infantino! I’m referring to Statler and Waldorf… the old guys from the Muppet Show!
Huh?
They made a comeback… during the half-time show!
Thought they’d have more sense!
(They pause to browse their respective TV menus for some quality live sport, before giving up, forlorn)
So, who were you talking to?
Huh?
In the smoking area, on Sunday… during half-time in the World Cup final!
Oh, just the Pub Bore!
You put up with him for 25 minutes?
Still better than that half-time show! I was telling him you and I might be launching our careers in America…
YOU WHAT? I swore him to secrecy!
HUH!
I said if our PNYA…
Our Prospective New York Agent?
Yes, yes…. if our PNYA does the business for us, we might be giving up this column, and spending three months of the year in America!
How did he take it?
Well, he expressed an interest in taking this column over if we resign!
Huh! To write about what? Something VERY BORING no doubt?
We wrote about lids being attached to milk cartons for the best part of a year!
Important issue!
Anyway, he made the point that the title of the column wouldn’t have to change much…
Huh?
It could go from Barstool Boyos to Barstool Bore!
He KNOWS we call him the Pub Bore?
Yeah, he knows it’s just a bit of fun!
So let me get this straight… if we leave, Roscommon People readers might have to put up with the Pub Bore every week?
Well, unless we do an exchange with two American commentators… we take on New York, and they take on Roscommon!
Anyone in mind? Well, we’re daft and grumpy… Statler and Waldorf might fit the bill!
