Barstool Boyos – 8th of July

Hey, it’s my A-Z of self-help tips (but what to do about ‘Z’)

So, my friend…exciting news!

Huh?

I’ve big plans for a self-help book!

Brilliant! To read one?

No! To write one!

 

(Editor rolls his eyes, checks for Boris updates on phone)

 

My A-Z of self-help tips!

REALLY?

Yep! Everyone’s into self-help these days! And self-development!

And you’re seriously writing a book on it? A book on how to help yourself?

Yes…if you’ll help me!

Oh dear!

Can you guess what A is for?

I fear this is going to be a long day…

These are all based on my life experiences…

Even worse than I thought…

So, A is for…An…

Analysis? Analyse what area of your life you’d like to improve, write out a list…

No, AUNTS! Be kind to your aunts, they’re pearls of wisdom!

Oh dear…

B is for br…

Bravery?

Brazen…it pays to be brazen sometimes!

C is for…

Courteous?

Confidence…believe in yourself! D is for do…

Do nice things for people and they’ll do nice things for you?

Donations. In this case, I’ll be looking for donations in order to self-publish. Can I put you down for a grand? E is for…em…

Empathy?

No, just em…I can’t remember what e is for. Oh yes, entitlement. Oh no, that’s from the first draft. Sorry, this is still a work in progress. Anyways, what do you think?

I think this is getting ridiculous…

 

(Editor to self: First sensible thing that’s been said in the entire column; I need to talk to Brolly now!)

 

F is for…

I’m not sure I want to know…

Fa…

Family?
Fame! Everyone wants a bit of fame! It’s the modern world! Haven’t you heard of TikTok?!

Sorry, still researching the complexities of Facebook…anyways, you’re obviously having me on…any other news?

There is no other news! This is big!

The cost of living crisis is big! The weekend hurling was big! Boris is in big trouble (checks to see if he’s gone yet)…

Can we move on to G?!

No! I can’t believe I’ve put up with so much of this already…

 

(Editor to self: You and me, boyo…)

 

There’s only 20 more letters to go…

That’s what Boris Johnson’s secretary said to him…

Good one! Seriously, can we talk later?

I’m home for the evening. Maybe connect with me on Zoom! (Sarcastically)

Brilliant! Thanks so much!

Huh?

That’s it! You’ve given me my final tip! Embrace Zoom! I had no idea how I was going to fit ‘Z’ in!