Barstool Boyos – 8th of April

Eamon Ryan, Roscommon win in Croker…and that time capsule!

SUNDAY MORNING

Hey pal, you HAVE to help me…

Huh?

I can’t cope with this GREEN document! There’s too much in it!

Yeah, well that’s Eamon Ryan for you, he’s a stickler for detail behind it all…

Huh?

And now that he’s spending less time on the road, not to mention less time in the shower, he has more time for dreaming up all sorts of policies!

Huh?

Huh?

Less time in the shower, Eamon Ryan…what are you on about?

He wants us to curb energy costs…by spending less time in the shower!

Why are you talking about Eamon Green…I mean Eamon Ryan?

Well, you said the Green document is driving you mad!

Yeah, but I don’t mean a Green Party document…I mean the census form!

Oh, THAT!

Yes, THAT! You have to help me with it…my wife is away for the day! Can you help me fill it in?

Well, I can help you fill in the day! Let’s watch the match in one of our locals!

SUNDAY AFTERNOON

Anthracite!

Is that Danish? I’m having a Heineken myself…

No! I’m on about the questions in the census form. Mind-boggling! They want to know do we use anthracite!

Ah sure that form is just the basics…how many in the family, health issues, occupation, that sort of thing! I’ll fill it out tonight in half an hour!

No, you don’t understand! It’s a nightmare! I’m exhausted after reading the questions, much less answering them! What is your relationship with persons 1, 2, 3 and 4…it’s head-wrecking! As for a time capsule!

It’s a doddle! Look, have a pint, and we’ll concentrate on Croker! The Rossies are coming out! You know it makes census!

Great! Now let’s alternate between the as Gaeilge and Willie!

(They pause to cheer as the Roscommon players line up for the team photo at Croke Park)

AFTER 3 PM…

We’re gonna lose this one…

Have faith! It’s level!

Yeah, but Galway are asking all sorts of questions…

A bit like the census form!

We’re nervy…

Go on Enda, give it to Diarmuid, he’s on your shoulder!

(They stand, transfixed, as Diarmuid Murtagh weaves past opponents and closes in on goal. The pub bore stops telling a stranger about the legal implications of not filling in the census form…the pub clientele erupt as the ball hits the net)

WOO HOO!

WOO HOO!

What a goal!

Magic!

(The pub bore explains the rule on steps to a Galway man, insisting that the wonder goal was legitimate)

SUNDAY EVENING

It’s time to go home!

Yes, but what a lovely afternoon! Now make sure to fill in that form!

Huh! Thanks for all your help! By the way, now that I’ve had a few pints, I’m all over the time capsule idea…

Huh?

I think I’ll put the pub bore’s worst ever speech in!

Oh, I forgot about the time capsule…

HA! You’re stuck for something original…

It’s okay! I’ll put in Willie’s commentary on Diarmuid’s wonder goal!