Barstool Boyos – 4th of February

These contract negotiations are tense…we had to order a second bottle of wine!

How could you be late on Saturday night…for our big return to our local!

Like Boris, I simply must apologise!

TWO HOURS LATE!

I had other commitments…

What are these other commitments you’ve been on about lately? It’s not like you…to be busy!

I’ve just had one or two appointments over the past two Saturdays…I can’t get into it…

You’re not…

Huh?

You’re not seeing the pub bore behind my back? You haven’t started going to another pub?

Of course not!

Well, what HAVE you been up to?

If you must know, I was having Dinner in town!

Dinner in town! With who?

It was business!

BUSINESS?

Yes! And, might I add, for your good as well as mine!

Huh?

I had Dinner with the Editor! It’s these contract talks I’m working on! Regarding this column…our future!

You had Dinner with the Editor…WITHOUT ME?

Well, you KNEW I was handling our contract negotiations…

It looks like you’re handling our expenses account too!

(They pause, and in order to let the growing tension ease, both boyos visualise George Hamilton selecting soothing music in his RTE lyric fm studio; it works)

I’m not happy!

About me conducting our contract negotiations?

That, and you dining in fancy restaurants…with the Editor!

It’s a price we have to pay…these are delicate talks…

WE? It’s YOU who’s dining!

These are BUSINESS dinners!

DINNERS?! PLURAL?

Well, yes, there’s been a few of them…

A FEW?

Look, these negotiations are at a tense stage. It all takes time. We had to order a second bottle of wine on Saturday!

Huh!

As you know, I’ve been playing hardball…

So you say…

I looked for a substantial increase in our fee, a taxi service to and from our local, and the option of you and I doing restaurant reviews for the paper!

Well you certainly seem to be making some progress on the restaurant front…for yourself!

Oh please don’t be churlish! You remind me of the taxi driver who brought me from the restaurant the other night…to meet you!

Huh?

Oh, nothing!

(They pause to check if energy prices have risen any further in the previous hour)

I need to be involved!

You ARE involved! You’re crucial to this page, I’ll fight all the way for it to remain a double act!

Great! Eh…WHAT???

Just because the Editor thinks he can cut costs by dropping yo…I mean one of us, doesn’t mean he’ll get away with it! Trust me, I’ll fight to keep it as a twosome!

ARE YOU SERIOUS? Thought you were playing hardball!

I’m trying to. Trust me!

You’re pushing me! You and I need to talk. We need a common bottom line position. Let’s meet for a pint on Thursday evening…

Sorry, I, er, have a commitment on Thursday…

I suppose you’re meeting the Editor for Dinner…AGAIN?

Don’t be so flippant! Well, we might have a bite to eat…after our round of golf!