Barstool Boyos – 2nd of December

Let’s just say that guy with the big beard gets on my nerves!

My pet hate at this time of year?

Yes, that’s what I asked!

Actually, you won’t like this, but it’s HIM!

HIM?

Yeah, let’s just say that guy with the big beard gets on my nerves!

Seriously?

Yeah, and he’s all over the place these days!

Well, that’s kind of inevitable…he’s rather relevant at this point in time!

Yeah, well…

I mean, HE’S THE MAN!

I saw him the other day again, aagh, that beard!

A thing of beauty…

I think not!

Well, in fairness, he lit up our lives at the weekend…

Oh that’s giving him far too much credit!

What IS your problem with him?

I think it’s that…beard! It’s SO BIG! It’s like he’s looking for attention, like ‘Hey, I’m THE MAN!’

Well…he IS the man!

That beard’s kind of intimidating!

He’s the last guy you could describe as intimidating. In fact, he brings joy at this time of year, ever year!

Huh?

He’s iconic!

Maybe! But boy does he know it. He seems to think he’s some sort of God-like figure, a messiah! WITH THOSE EYES, AND THAT BEARD!

Nah! He’s actually modest and SO charming. And children just adore him!

They’re gullible! They look up to him because his reputation precedes him, and because he does that smirk every now and again, and has those piercing eyes!

Oh come on!

AND AS FOR THAT HUGE BEARD! Aagh!

Look, give Santa Claus a break! HE’S THE MAN! He was great at the Christmas lights switch-on in Roscommon on Sunday!

Santa Claus? I was talking about Roy Keane…on the World Cup panel!

 

(They pause to wave at the pub bore, who wants to engage them in conversation about how batteries work)

 

So, did you get your Christmas tree up yet?

It’s too early!

The rest of your decorations?

I’ll refer you to my previous answer.

Presents?

In due course.

You’re a disaster!

I’m a calm individual who doesn’t panic, uses his time well, and (who) won’t kneel at the altar of rampant consumerism! Plus, I’m a very busy man! I simply don’t have time – not yet anyway – to get all that preparation done!

So, you’re a very busy man?

Yes, and you know it!

You haven’t time to shop, or put up decorations, or plan for Christmas, or tick off the contents of your ‘to do’ list, or even pass the time of day to a neighbour?

Spot on! But I WILL find the time!

I feel for you!

Thank you!

So you’re run off your feet, and you’ve no time for anything…

Yes!

Pity, ‘cos I’m going for a pint and to watch the World Cup…

Oh well, ahem, I might have an hour and a half to spare…! CHEERS!