Barstool Boyos – 25th of February

You must be joking! I’m not going out in that weather…not ‘til Sunday!

THURSDAY

Hey buddy, are you on for a pint?

I’d love to, but…

Busy being grouchy, I ‘spose?

No, but thanks for asking! It’s just…the storm.

Dudley?

Yep, Dudley. I can’t risk walking to the pub, they say it will be rough…

Where do they get the names?

Huh?

I mean, why Dudley? The only Dudley I’ve ever heard of was Dudley Moore.

Editor: (Younger readers, guys! PLEASE!)

Dudley Moore? Oh yeah, wasn’t he a star in the 1960s and ‘70s? A double-act with Peter Cook?

Yeah, and don’t forget Arthur.

Who’s Arthur? Were there three of them?

No, Arthur came along in 1981…caused a real stir.

Storm Arthur? Was there a Storm Arthur?

No, Dudley Moore made a great film CALLED Arthur. 

Oh, yeah, think I’ve heard of it…he was great. But no pint for me today!

And what about Liza?

I think you mean Eunice, Storm Eunice. She’s due tomorrow…

No, I mean Liza Minnelli!

Oh! I heard she was pretty stormy, volcanic even, in her heyday…is there a storm called after her now?

No, I mean Liza starred in Arthur…with Dudley.

Oh whatever. Chat tomorrow! By the way, who uses the word ‘buddy’???

FRIDAY

Well, a pint TODAY?

No! I can’t go out…it’s Eunice today!

Look, I know there’s been terrible hardship for some people nationwide, but in these parts, Dudley was an anticlimax…

Yeah, maybe, but Storm Eunice today might be nasty…I’m staying in! It’s alright for you, apparently the Editor has a taxi driver available to you at your beck and call!

He’s parked at our front gates this very minute! But trust me, those contract talks on you and I being renewed as columnists, they’re progressing!

I literally have my hands over my ears!

So, a pint?

NO! I’m not venturing into these storms! Go and be mates with the taxi driver!

(They pause, in compliance with the style of this column)

SATURDAY

A pint…TODAY?

Sorry, I’m going to keep a low profile today.

You haven’t been seen in a week!

I told you…it’s the storms, I don’t want to venture out!

But it’s all over! Neither Dudley or Eunice were too bad in these parts…

Okay, I promise I’ll venture out tomorrow. Maybe we can go to the Roscommon-Clare game, and have a pint afterwards…

GREAT!

SUNDAY MORNING

YOU PROMISED!

But it’s….unbelievable! WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Huh?

It’s absolutely freezing, it’s raining cats and dogs, and there’s a gale-force wind! AND THEY DIDN’T WARN US ABOUT THIS!

Well they kind of did…

NOT REALLY! All they talked of all week was Dudley and Eunice…BUT THIS IS WORSE! WHAT IS GOING ON?

See you at the Hyde, you promised!

AT THE HYDE…

It’s Franklin!

It’s FREEZING!

Look, the uprights are shaking…

I’M SHAKING! And my cap has just flown across the pitch and into the press box! I think I see Willie Hegarty putting it on his head!

Don’t worry! I’ll include an allowance for new caps, scarves, etc. in my talks with the Editor…just give me another month…buddy!