Barstool Boyos – 25th of August

‘That’s it! We’re goners! Dropped!’

That’s it, I knew it…we’re goners!

Huh?

At least we know now…there’s nothing worse than false hope! It’s the hope that kills you!

WHAT are you on about?

That first week was bad enough…I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I could hardly muster the energy to take an interest in the big issue of the past fortnight…

What big issue? The FBI raid on Trump’s house?

Well, I actually meant that story about the guy who got a tattoo of Marty Whelan’s face on his leg…

Oh dear!

I know, strange move…even though Marty’s great. Anyways, point is, at least we know now…but it’s still devastating!

We know WHAT now?!

That we’re goners. That first week was bad, you were away for most of it, we didn’t really get a chance to talk, except for those tense text exchanges with you…

Oh that! I just told you to relax…

But the second week, that’s done it!

Well…

Well nothing! That first week…I followed my usual routine on the Thursday. I popped into a local shop and joined the familiar frenzied queue for the Roscommon People…

Yeah, so you said…in your frenzied texts…

Just imagine my shock when I turned to page 2!

I know, you said…

NOTHING! No Barstool Boyos! It’s like we’d been wiped off the face of the earth! Instead of where you and I are normally are…a regular news story! That’s an image I thought I’d never be confronted with!

Apparently that’s what Marty Whelan said when he saw his face tattooed on yer man’s leg…

You’re trivialising this! You KNOW I was shocked!

Sorry…but you probably should have contacted the Editor for clarification…

I tried, but he wouldn’t return my calls!

Typical Editor…

Then, week two. LAST THURSDAY. Not helped by your apparent indifference – and the Editor having gone to ground – I raced into a local shop…

Yeah…

…checked page one to see if there was a blurb announcing that he’d finally signed up Joe Brolly…

Ahem…

…turned to page 2…and the final proof. Devastating. No Barstool Boyos for the second week in a row. We’re dropped. It’s over. Ruthless!

Well…

Well nothing! Either we’ve both been ruthlessly dropped or – even worse – you and Brolly are being lined up to replace you and me!

Relax, my friend! You must know by now that I have a hotline to the Editor…

Mmnn…

The reason our column didn’t appear for two weeks is very simple: I get the content to the Editor, he does his thing…but he was on holidays for two weeks! We’re back…this week!

PHEW! What a relief. I’m ecstatic!

He reassured me that our absence for two weeks was merely holiday-related…mind you, he did make one strange comment…

Huh?

He said we’re like that tattoo of Marty Whelan’s face…

What? Distinguished, irresistible and timeless?

No…just quite hard to get rid of!