Barstool Boyos – 23rd of June

Free of lockdown, the pub bore strikes!

Oh, what an evening!

Huh?

I missed you SO much last night…in the local!

Ah, thank you…that’s really touching! I’m sorry I couldn’t make it…

Yeah, so am I! I was stuck with the pub bore for over an hour!

So THAT’S why you missed me!

Eh…yes!

But you know, my friend, he deserves quite a few free passes from us…after all those lockdowns…we barely saw him for two years. He deserves to be indulged now…kind of!

Mmnn…YOU didn’t have to put up with him last night…

Was he telling you where Roscommon went wrong against Clare?

Much worse than that! He told me there are nearly 300 types of squirrels in the world!

That’s nuts!

…and went on about their diet…

THAT’S DEFINTELY NUTS!

…and their mating ritual…

They’re chased…

They’re not chaste!

No, I mean the female squirrels are chased by the males…

You’re as bad as the pub bore!

 

(They pause to try and get the image of male squirrels chasing female squirrels for romantic purposes from their minds)

 

Sudan has the most pyjamas in the world…the pub bore said that too!

I think you mean pyramids…

Okay, maybe!

Not maybe…and definitely not pyjamas!

I thought it might be Egypt that had the most?

Why would Egypt have the most pyjamas in the world?

Not pyjamas! Pyramids!

 

(Editor dials Joe Brolly, leaves urgent voicemail: ‘We need to meet…this column is yours, I tell you, it’s yours…NOW!’)

 

Monkeys have tails, but apes don’t…

Oh for God’s sake!

Dolphins sleep with one eye open…

Mmnn…the pub bore was certainly in form, I’ll grant you that…

He reckons a dentist invented the electric chair in the 19th century!

An actual dentist, or an aspiring executioner just conveniently posing as a dentist?

Well, let’s just say I wouldn’t have been keen to sit in the chair of a dentist who’d just invented the electric chair!

 

(They pause, in a desperate attempt to get off the subject)

 

MONDAY

 

Finally, some really warm sunshine!

Yeah…summer’s here!

Did you do anything nice today…did you get to enjoy the sun?

I was working…

Well, I had a lovely round of golf!

Excellent!

Yeah, myself and two friends…

Anyone else we know there?

Oh yeah, lots. Actually, the pub bore was out on the course…

Him again! It’s been quite the few days for you two! How did he play?

Oh he wasn’t actually playing. He was photographing the squirrels!