What has Cork ever done for us?
Ah, the banks…I just love the banks!
Huh! Just proves how out of touch you are! I mean, who really loves the banks?!
The Banks Of My Own Lovely Lee! Beautiful song!
Oh, those banks!
Yes, THOSE banks! Just one of the many things to love about Cork!
Cork?
Yes! The Rossies are away to Cork this Saturday in an All-Ireland preliminary quarter-final!
I know! But I’m still processing last Sunday!
Last Sunday has been and gone! Our lads tried their best! It was a thriller in Tullamore!
I know! We were there!
Our lads had a bit of an off day, but they can storm back against Cork!
(They pause to check if President Higgins has issued any more controversial statements this week; he hasn’t)
The Banks Of My Own Lovely Lee…love it!
Yeah, but what else is Cork famous for? I mean, to paraphrase Monty Python’s classic ‘What have the Romans ever done for us?’ line… what has Cork ever done for us?
Well, Cork gave us its scenic beauty and great food and the unique charm of its people…
Yeah, fair enough, but apart from its scenic beauty and great food and the unique charm of its people, what has Cork ever done for us?
Well, it gave us great hurlers and footballers…
Yeah, fair enough, but apart from great hurlers and footballers, and its scenic beauty and great food, what has Cork done for us?
Well, it gave us Jack Lynch, and Roy Keane, and Cillian Murphy, and…
Yeah, but apart…
(Editor: Enough!)
But it’s a huge issue…
Is it REALLY?
Yes! Check my social platforms for ‘99 reasons why it frustrates me’…
WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROBLEM?
There’s a nationwide crisis.
REALLY?
Look, we had a heatwave, we’re having a humid spell now. Everyone wants ice cream, particularly 99s.
Yeah…
But the flakes are crumbling!
The flakes are crumbling?
Yes, it’s breaking news!
Ha!
Instead of being strong and reliable, the flakes of 2023 are falling apart within seconds of entering the ice cream. It’s a nightmare!
(They pause to consider this matter of considerable importance)
Hey, my friend…
Yeah?
I just remembered, and maybe older readers will too… Cork also gave us Cha and Miah!
Remind me…
Two geezers who sat around talking good-natured nonsense about the issues of the day… pontificating in the media on everything and anything for the pleasure of the public!
Huh! Sounds like a silly idea, it would never take off now!
