Barstool Boyos – 21st of January

‘I’d like to buy that flat pack wardrobe…that’s if you can give me the one that’s on display!’

So, how are you going on New Year’s resolutions?

Excellent!

Really?

Yes, ‘cos I didn’t make any!

Oh!

And you? Did you get an opportunity yet to see your dream come true?

Huh?

You said your ambition for 2022 was to convince a shop assistant to sell you a flat pack item that’s ON DISPLAY…

Well, I’m not saying it’s my ONLY goal for 2022…

Okay, okay…

Actually, it’s funny you mention it…

It is?

I was in a big store on Saturday…

Yeah…

We had our sights set on a wardrobe…

Yeah…

It looked lovely on…

…DISPLAY?

Yeah!

What happened?

We committed to the purchase of said wardrobe.

Great…

But I made it conditional. I WENT FOR IT! I walked with confidence to the lad beside the counter, then I adopted a persona whereby you wouldn’t really know how to read my mind…I was blank of expression actually.

THAT, I can believe…

I engaged all of my life experience, my shrewdness…I effectively adopted a poker face pose and the air of a world class wheeler dealer…

What did the young chap say?

Eh…he ignored me initially. He was scrolling on his smartphone.

Then?

Well, I cleared my throat, gave myself a brief motivational speech, then commanded his attention…

By your sheer presence?

Eh no, I tapped the counter three times…

Then?

He looked up, with a slightly startled, indifferent expression.

I guess it’s been a long January. So what happened THEN?

I said ‘Excuse me, but I am CONSIDERING purchasing that wardrobe. But, with respect, it would be on condition that you kindly permit me to take the one that’s on display! It’s not that I lack the skill and patience to assemble said wardrobe from its flat pack status, it’s because I have an ongoing issue with a back strain…’

YOU SAID THAT?

Yes!

So what happened THEN?
Well, the young lad was standing beside the counter, on his phone, but he did look up when I made that er…pitch. He was mildly responsive….

Best you can hope for sometimes…

I continued to explain how my slight back strain might hinder the prospect of me successfully and painlessly assembling said flat pack wardrobe, and how it would be much appreciated if he could stretch to an act of such kindness and courtesy as to agree to my request.

He was buying your tale about your back?

Well, he hadn’t said ANYTHING at that point, I was still in my assertive mode. I didn’t want to show any weakness, so I continued…I explained that when I bend down, my back is prone to aching….that occasionally I’m bent over and unable to move!

Wow, you REALLY DID WANT THE STORE DISPLAY MODEL!
Then, after I’d completed my speech, the young lad standing at the edge of the counter finally put his phone down…and spoke.

AND?

He said…

YEAH?
“I don’t actually work here, I’m collecting my sister, she’s in the storeroom!”

HA HA!

Yeah, very funny!

So that was it?

That’s not even the worst of it! Suitably embarrassed, I stormed off, but the young lad wasn’t done…

Huh?

He says “Mister, it’s not a flat pack you need…it’s a flat back!”

Cheeky sod!