Barstool Boyos – 21 August


Oh stop being so dramatic!

I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC! I just feel…let down.

Look, it’s nothing…


(Editor: Definitely two question marks followed by one exclamation mark? Boyo: Yes!)

What did I do that was so bad?

So disloyal, you mean!

Oh come on!

I can’t believe you…went to a pub…without me!

As it is, I can barely bring myself to mention the ‘P’ word…


No! The other ‘P’ word…

That’s the thing, I only really went in for a ‘P’…

Yes, but that IS the thing, you went for a ‘P’ without me…

It was only a pizza…

A pizza! A pizza! A pizza?

(Editor: Can I just check…Boyo: YES!)

Yes, a pizza! Is that not the ‘P’ word you were referring to?

Oh, you’re some boyo! You know ‘P’ stands for pint!

Look, I just popped in and had a pizza. I’m sorry.

How long did you stay?

Oh I don’t know precisely….maybe 60, 80, er…105 minutes.

105 MINUTES! I knew it! You were there to enjoy a few pints! Admit it!

Not really! I just popped in for a pizza. I will admit I had two pints while I was waiting/being served, but it really doesn’t count! It wasn’t a proper visit to a pub…not like when WE go…I’d barely call it a pub, in fact…

What would you call it?

Eh…an establishment that serves food and has a drinks menu…

Was there much variety on the food menu?

Oh yes, loads!


So many different and varied…


Eh, yeah…and chips! And toasted sandwiches!


(They pause and stare at an old man weeding his garden while singing Dicey Reilly)


Did you talk to any bores?

No, I promise you! I wouldn’t do that without you!

Did you watch sport on TV?

No! It was just a Saturday evening pizza!

Didn’t drool over any snooker?



Yes, pepperoni!

No, I was about to say Pep and Man. City were playing Saturday night…you didn’t watch?



I’m not lying…

No, they were playing Lyon. You spoke to no one?

Well, maybe one or two…

Good fellows?

Yes, love Goodfellas’ pizza!

Not funny! Did you go to our local?

Absolutely not! Plus, it’s still closed! This was an establishment…in a different county! I was visiting relatives. I was out and about. My wife popped into the shops, I just felt like a pizza! I wouldn’t make the big step…a return to an actual pub in Roscommon…without you!

Mmnn…I guess your ‘offence’ is dwindling in size before my eyes.

Beautifully put!

So, I’ll forgive you. Any more news…from your travels?



Just the usual…you and I and our likes working hard, when we can work…meanwhile, I see the politicians are still on holidays!

Both: Great country!

And I see where the top guy in Fáilte Ireland went off on holidays to Italy…unbelievable!

He’s gone!

No, he’s back!

No, he’s gone as ‘top guy’…he had to resign.

Proper order…holidaying abroad…crazy!

What brought him to Italy anyway?

Dunno, maybe he went for a pizza!


(Old man stops singing Dicey Reilly, appreciates that last comment may have been ‘too soon’)…