Sure I went to Croke Park! We even had an overnight stay…in the Merrion Hotel!
Oh what a weekend!
I’m SO jealous that you got to Croker…
You should have come too!
I was too stubborn!
Huh?
I spent the entire weekend staring at a screen and shouting expletives at the Ticketmaster website!
REALLY?
Well, not quite…I was otherwise engaged…that’s why I couldn’t go to the game…
Ye had ‘something on’…isn’t that what people who can’t get to the match always say?
Well, we HAD something on! A WEDDING!
Yeah, I know, calm down!
(They pause to practise Diarmuid O’Connor’s almost karate kick-like manoeuvre which kept the ball in play in the final seconds of normal time in the Dublin-Mayo game)
We had a great weekend, well, except for the result!
You went Saturday?
Yeah, ‘cos we’d booked an overnight stay in a hotel.
Nice!
Yeah, but I got distracted…
Huh?
Well, it was the Merrion Hotel!
You’re joking!
I’m serious!
You didn’t?
I HAD TO!
You didn’t?
I DID!
(They pause to check if there are any new videos online of revellers…er…revelling…inside or outside Danny Healy-Rae’s pub)
So…
YOU DIDN’T?
I did!
What did you do?
First I checked the visitors’ book, I thought that’ll solve it straight away!
Well?
Nah, the gang of 50 were much too clever for that. Not a single person who attended the infamous party had signed!
Not even Katherine Zappone herself?
NOTHING!
You gave up?
I DID NOT! I got friendly with a waiter, tipped him nicely, thought he might give me some juicy info…but he was a bag of nerves.
Did he spill the beans?
No, he was nervous, but not that nervous. Anyways, it was self-service…
NO! I don’t mean did he actually spill actual beans, I mean did he give you any names?
No, he was a thorough professional, unfortunately!
THEN?
Then I went to reception and sort of implied to the nice lady that I’d been at the party. I said it was a great night and how Leo and Katherine were in great form…then I said ‘Who was that couple with Leo?’ but she was having none of it!
Good on her, you rascal!
(They pause to compare notes on who is standing in for whom on RTE radio)
So, the wedding…nice ceremony?
Well, I wasn’t there for all of it.
Like the bride…you were late?
Well, I HAD to see the Rossies!
Fair play!
Our lads were in hard luck…Offaly were hot, though. Deserving champions.
Yeah, our lads were great, it was just a pity they missed a few goals, but they did us proud!
And what a win for Mayo…
Yeah, O’Connor keeping the ball in play, that and Hennelly’s free got them to extra-time!
Awesome! So that’s it, no further update on the gang of 50?
Nope, I fear they are free, we’ll never know the identity of all who were there!
It’s kind of destined to be some version of the Eighth Wonder of the World!
You mean like…an absolute mystery?
Yeah!
Well, it’s not the biggest unsolved mystery in the world just now…
Really? What is?
How in God’s name did Diarmuid O’Connor stop that ball from crossing the line? Now THAT’S a mystery!
