Barstool Boyos – 18th of February

Rough experience on the golf course…and more on those contract talks!

You FINALLY did it! You’ve taken up golf

Yeah, a rough experience!

Well done!

I was determined to take up a new hobby after lockdown…

Great! So how did it go?

Do I HAVE to say?

Yes! I told you on Friday that the Editor is gone very moody, says our contract talks depend on us upping our game! Tell readers even more about your lives, he said! Show vulnerability! Be more open!

Mmnn…

So…the golf?? Relaxing? Exciting? Dare I say…FUN?

Eh…nightmare!

(They pause to Google ‘Wordle’ to see if they can understand it, but give up)

What happened?

First hole: My playing partner told me the club professional was on site, so I popped over to him, asked for some advice, then approached the ball. Missed it completely!

OH! How did the guy who gave you the advice react?

Well, when I muttered “I won’t be taking any more tips from you, Mr CLUB PROFESSIONAL”, he said: “I’m not surprised. I’m only making a delivery to the clubhouse. I’ve never played golf myself. The club professional is that guy OVER THERE”.

Oh, not a great start!

I eventually got off the tee after three attempts.

An inauspicious start…what happened on the fairway?

What fairway? I was in deep rough! It took me ten minutes to…

…get to the green?

…find my ball! Eventually, I chipped on to the green, ten feet from the hole.

Excellent! AND?

That’s when the drama really started!

(They pause to Google ‘Ruddle’ instead of ‘Wordle’ in recognition of the emerging Ballygunner hurling star)

And by th…

Hold it! The Editor wants us to be MORE open! Is he crazy? Does this mean those contract talks are almost complete? Are we striking a new deal for this column… OR NOT?

Well, the talks are at a delicate stage…

They’ve been at a delicate stage for months! I should be involved! This is ridiculous! Nothing’s happening!

On the contrary, I’ve had six dinners and at least three rounds of golf with the Editor, there’s lots happening!

Are you any nearer a new deal for us?

Leave it with me! I can get a deal! Actually, the taxi driver provided for me this evening by the Editor shares my confidence, he says the talks are moving in the right direction!

You’re joking!

No, he’s very confident!

(They pause, to allow the rising tension to ease)

You need to relax! More golf! So how did you end up on that first hole…that 10-foot putt?

Well, I addressed the ball, banishing all negative thoughts. I stroked it beautifully. It was heading for the hole…

Great!

Next thing, a robin skips across the green…and, just as the ball is about to drop into the hole, the robin nudges it off course!

WOW!

A DISASTER!

Not really!

Why?

It’s a miracle! It took you three to get off the tee, you went into deep rough…but you still HIT A BIRDIE!

(Editor: That’s it. I’m advertising for new columnists next week)