So the G7 leaders were partying on the beach, then ‘The Beast’ arrived…
I can’t believe you’re STILL having strange, crazy ‘Covid dreams’…
Only when I’m asleep!
Yeah, obviously! But not every night?
Not every night. I thought they’d stopped…
In parallel with restrictions being eased?
Huh?
The extent to which your dreams had become more bizarre was beginning to recede relative to the easing of restrictions?
CAN YOU REPEAT THAT?
Probably not, it was a once-off verbal flourish!
(They pause to watch Damien Duff embark on a bizarre verbal flourish on the RTE Euro 2020 panel while a perplexed Peter Collins scrambles for a follow-up question)
So, in this dream, you’re on a beach?
Yep! I’m strolling on a beach…
Nothing strange yet…
Suddenly, this lost soul is aimlessly wandering along the sand dunes. He has slightly wild hair…
Down on his luck? The sad stranger on the beach…
That’s what I thought, especially when he muttered about looking for his friends…
Very sad…
But then I realised who it was! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!
You recognised him?
Of course! It was Boris! BORIS JOHNSON!
REALLY?
Yes, really! Then his friends began to appear. Well, he called them his friends, but I think they all had the hump with him.
Go on…
First of all Emmanuel Macron strolled by. He was very charming.
(Editor: No stereotypes, please!)
Go on…
Then Trudeau, the Canadian PM, he was very friendly.
AND?
Then Ursula von der Leyen…then Angela Merkel, the German Chance…
She’s not a chancer, she’s a damn good politician!
Not chancer, chancellor!
Oh, right! So what happened?
Well, now Boris was a new man. He sat them all down on deck chairs…
Was there one for Ursula?
Yes…why?
Forget it! So then?
They had a beach party! Boris was exclaiming how delighted he was to welcome his “friends and partners”…
Yuck!
That’s what I said!
YOU said?
Yeah, well that’s the thing, it was my dream. So I partied with them…
I think I can explain your dream! It was the G7 meeting in Cornwall last week. Cornwall is on the water! In real life, Boris DID welcome the G7 leaders on to the beach!
I know! I was there, kind of!
(They pause to watch as Alan Shearer completes a mind-numbingly dull sentence on the BBC Euro 2020 panel while a bored Gary Lineker rehearses his next pun)
Before we go, I need to know how the strange dream ended…
Very dramatically! A huge, black vehicle suddenly drove on to the sand…
Wow!
All the way from America, it was ‘The Beast’, being driven at speed!
Of course, it was President Biden! Making quite an entrance!
Eh…no…
NO?
I knew it couldn’t be him, ‘cos first of all the driver of ‘The Beast’ smashed up the deck chairs and drove all over the food and drinks.
Wow!
Then they started firing rotten sausages at Angela Merkel…
WOW!
Then they threw stale baguettes at Macron…
(Editor: PLEASE! NO STEREOTYPES!)
I can’t believe Joe Biden, or his driver, would behave like that!
The door opened…and out stepped a fired up PRESIDENT TRUMP!
Wow, he gatecrashed it!
Yeah, first he told the G7 leaders they were nothing without him, then he said he’ll make a golf course out of those sand dunes!
