Barstool Boyos – 16th of March

A Supersub Boyo? Give me a break! Is a devious plan being…hatch-ed? 

SATURDAY 

Hey my friend, are you looking forward to the big game? 

Can’t wait!

Ah, Derry…they’ve given so much to the GAA…

Really? I suppose…

Derry…such a charismatic GAA county…

Really?
Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts there…so yeah, can’t wait either!

Eh…yeah! By the way, any news on those marathon contract talks? 

Huh? 

With the Editor! About the future of our column! 

Oh…THOSE talks? 

Yes, THOSE TALKS! Those very protracted negotiations! About our new contract. They’ve been going on for months! You’ve been dining with him, golfing too…you even talked about going to Cheltenham!

Calm down! We had constructive talks last week…

CONSTRUCTIVE TALKS! Will you get us improved terms?

Absolutely! But…

BUT WHAT? 

He wants innovations! A novelty factor! Eh…new…

NEW WHAT? New ideas?

Well, a new columnist actually!
WHAT???

Oh, he mentioned introducing a celebrity columnist…a kind of ‘Supersub Boyo’…but just once a month!

AT WHOSE EXPENSE? 

Well, I AM the chief negotiator…

SURELY YOU’RE NOT DROPPING ME?? 

Eh…hardly (changes subject)…

(They pause to savour Ireland’s win over England in the rugby, turning down the sound when Eddie O’Sullivan gets into his rant) 

SUNDAY 

Sorry I’m late!

Huh! When the game ended, you said you had some business to do, and we’d meet at 5 pm…you’re half an hour late!

Sorry! Anyways, what a finish to the game! More like…eh…rugby!

A bit chaotic alright…but sure we did well to get a point in the end…

Not bad! Great heart from the Rossies! Roll on Offaly…and Galway! A pint? 

Yeah, a pint…of course a pint, but I’m not happy!

Huh? 

This idea of a guest or supersub boyo muscling in on our page from time to time…you wouldn’t, would you? 

Well obviously I’m loyal to you…

Great!

It’s just…the Editor…he’s obsessed with there being more colour and controversy on this page!

Yeah, but like you say, you’re loyal to me…

Absolutely! Mind you, there will be times when we’re on holidays…busy…

Huh? 

I mean, parachuting in a big name every now and again…how bad would it be? 

But you’ll defend our position…what we have we hold? I mean, it’s crazy!
Ah yeah, sure you know the Editor, full of ideas, but never sees them all through…

(They pause to watch 18 replays of Shane Lowry’s hole-in-one) 

So…

So where were you earlier? What business had you to attend to?
Well, being honest, I had a quick pint in The Hatch…

Okay, no prob! Good buzz there? 

Oh yeah! I was chatting to lots of people…interesting the people you meet after games…colourful people, controversial people, er…Derry people…

Anyways, an interesting day at the Hyde. By the way, I see on Twitter that Joe Brolly was at the Hyde. In fact, he’s just tweeted that he’s been in the Hatch for the last hour…

Really? Sorry, I’ve to make a call….

Yeah, Joe Brolly’s in the Hatch. He…HEY! HEY! COME BACK HERE!