Barstool Boyos – 15th of July

Whatever about Boris, is Larry the cat staying on?

Seriously, I can’t believe that charming, cuddly pet is on the way out of Downing Street!

Huh? Boris…a charming pet? ARE YOU FOR REAL?

Not Boris! The Downing Street cat! Surely you’ve seen him hopping in and out of No. 10?

Oh yeah, HIM! But Larry the cat won’t be leaving Downing Street! HE stays on! He’s been there since 2011!

Oh, good! But Boris is gone?

Well, he will be…once the Tories elect a new leader.

And that could take ‘til September?

Yep!

I thought he’d have to be removed by force…

Yeah, he fought quite a rearguard action…but he’s finished now!

What will he do?

Well, his background is in journalism. He was a very popular columnist with the Daily Telegraph. He might go back to that!

 

(They pause to wonder why they’re talking about Boris and Larry on such a glorious day)

 

So, quite an SOS for Kerry! They withstood a great Dublin fightback, issued an SOS…and their appeal was answered!

Huh?

SOS…Sean O’Shea! He scored an opportunist goal, then delivered the winner with that epic late free!

Oh yeah!

And what about Damien Comer and our friends in Galway?

Brilliant! They’re into the All-Ireland final, and Damien’s red-hot!

And Boyle won the O’Rourke Cup…congrats to Cian Smith and his merry men!

Absolutely! Anything else exciting happen this week?

Well, Michael Lowry came back from the, er…1990s…and voted confidence in the Government!

Ah lovely…old friends are best!

 

(They pause to check if it’s safe to turn on the radio without hearing a pol corr droning on about how the numbers stack up in the Dáil)

 

Hey, I had a missed call from the Editor…

You’re joking!

He left a muffled voicemail…

Huh?

Dunno if he was joking or not, but he said something about our column being too boring, and how he might experiment with a guest columnist…

NO! Our worst fears are coming true! But you ASSURED me our contract talks were going well!

He may be joking, he’s been teasing me about Joe Brolly for ages…

Huh!

But in the voicemail, he muttered something about a high profile former columnist in the UK now being out of work…

NOT BORIS! Not the indignity of being replaced by Boris!

I’m sure it was a joke!

I expect it was! By the way, how come Larry the cat gets to stay in Downing Street?

Not sure…oh I guess, unlike Boris…he has nine (political) lives!