Barstool Boyos – 13th of January

Look away, Generation Z… here’s my seven-day plan for our dream pub!

I really think I’m on to something!

Look, I know we’ve often talked about going into partnership together, but…

But what?
Well, I actually think your idea has some merit – but it’s too ambitious!

NO, I DISAGREE! A new year is a time for new ideas…and I honestly think we could run a pub together!

Yeah, but pubs are finding it tough going…

My plan addresses that! Look, our age group – and older – are not going out as much as in the past.

Agreed!

And it’s creating societal problems…lack of social interaction, loneliness, etc.

Very profound!

Men in particular – arguably – are at a loss. Well, some men. Hence all these new men’s sheds!

A great development!

Agreed! But I want us to create a pub which will encourage middle-aged and older people to socialise even more…both men and women!

Mmnn…

Generation Z have their own social lives, they’ll be welcome in our pub, but we’ll specifically cater for middle-aged and older! Hear me out…here’s my seven-day plan!

 

(They pause briefly to check for the latest Prince Harry revelations)

 

Monday night’s theme: ‘GAA Gripe Night’. We play All-Ireland finals of the past on loop, plaster the walls with photos of Michael O’Hehir and Mick O’Connell…and offer a free pint to every old GAA player who comes in and whinges about the modern game!

And Tuesdays?

Tuesdays will be our ‘When I was a young fella’ themed night. Everyone’s free to rattle on about how life was better in their day! No contemporary conversation allowed! If anyone talks about the present day, we’ll turn Elvis up – full blast!

Wednesdays?

Wednesdays will be ‘Second Honeymoon Night’ whereby couples who’ve been together 30 years or more go on a date night and end up in our bar where you will have devised a series of romance-based fun activities.

Eh…

Thursdays will be ‘You can’t say anything any more’ nights where customers will be allowed vent over political correctness…

You can’t do that…

On Fridays, we’ll chill to hits from the 1950s onwards. Saturday will be ‘Early Bird’ evening, with everyone invited in before the young crowd come out!

And Sundays?

Eh…Sundays will be for live sport on TV, with everyone giving out about the officials!

So, just like normal Sundays now?

Yes! Look, think about it! It can work! This will be the perfect response to the march of Generation Z!

 

(Editor: Yeah, your own Generation Zzzzz!)