Barstool Boyos – 11th of March

A weekend of drama…and tentative plans for a St Patrick’s Day float!

WOW! Some drama in Roscommon at the weekend…all week in fact!

Huh?
SERIOUS drama in Roscommon!

But I…I…never heard…

It was something else!

What happened? Don’t tell me…were some Mayo spies found in the Hyde Park dressing rooms…after all? 

Editor (scrambles to check contact number for legal advisor): Please! There is absolutely no suggestion that Mayo GAA would EVER engage in any such activity… 

You’d better make it clear you mean spies with absolutely no association with Mayo GAA authorities…as in any such spying would be by a maverick…

Of course! Is THAT what happened? Was that the drama? 

No!

What happened? No, don’t tell me!

SERIOUS drama!

In Roscommon…all week? 

YUP!

Did a county council meeting get out of control? I think I heard a rumour! Did a fight break out? Did they start throwing bread rolls? Was it videoed? Have you…

NO!

Okay so…what drama did I miss? 

I’ll give you a hint…it involves masks!

AH! I have it!

Do you? 

I can picture the scene. A poor old lady walks into one of the local shops, with no mask on. She’s healthy, she’s happy, she’s relieved the restrictions have been lifted. She’s effectively acting on the instructions of the Taoiseach. In she goes, and just as she approaches the meat counter, some Goody Two-Shoes confronts her about not wearing a mask…did it get messy? 

THAT’S NOT IT EITHER! But all credit to your imagination. 

Okay, I give up!

Good!

WHAT drama? 

The Roscommon Drama Festival…you idiot! The masks are basically their ‘logo’…surely you’ve seen them at all the roundabouts? It’s been great – all week – and it runs until this Saturday night!

 

(They pause for…dramatic effect) 

 

Are you still talking to me? 

Mmnn…any word on those contract talks with the Editor? They’re going on for ages!

Well, actually there is news. 

Great! ‘Cos at this stage I just want us to tie this column down for at least all of 2022. And I’m fed up with the way you’ve been dealing with it. You’ve had several dinners with him, a few rounds of golf too…and I’m in the dark!

Well, there IS progress…

Did you get us improved terms? When do we sign? 

He’s setting up a Task Force. 

WHAT? 

They’ll conduct reader research…

SERIOUSLY? 

Then the results of that survey will go to the board. 

WHAT? 

And they’ll commission a report…

HUH? 

And it will make recommendations…

PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE JOKING?

Yes! I’m joking! But he does want us to be more original, to embrace social media…and to get out and about and meet our fans, I mean readers!

Who does he think we are? THE KARDASHIANS?

Don’t underestimate Kim, sorry, I mean HIM! He wondered if you’d dress up and enter a float in some of the St Patrick’s Day parades around the county…promoting this column? A Barstool Boyos float, with a mock bar on the back of a lorry…

AAGH! At least tell me you’d be with me? 

Well I’d love to, but actually myself and the Editor might be going to Cheltenham together…