The 300-year war, and the big return to an outdoor pint!
But it will be over 100 hours by then!
Well, we’ve waited over 400 days!
I can’t wait any longer…it’s almost as long as the 300-year war!
Why, how long was that?
Eh…300 years!
That couldn’t be true…urban myth, I say!
It IS true!
A 300-year war? I mean, seriously!
It’s a fact!
It’s silly!
Yeah…the Scilly Isles and the Netherlands!
Huh?
The 300-year war was between them! The Scilly Isles and the Netherlands!
Really?
Yep!
Were there many killed?
No casualties…it was bloodless.
BLOODLESS?
Yep! It was a bloodless war!
Now THAT’S silly!
It was a war OF SORTS…between the Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly. It was deemed to be a war for 335 years in fact, until peace was declared in 1986.
PEACE DECLARED? But there was no war!
Oh no, there WAS a war…just no blood.
Oh dear!
(They pause to imagine all the ‘war’ stories that must have been passed from generation to generation in the Scilly Isles)
Anyways, as I was saying, it will be over 100 hours by Fri…
Huh?
You’re suggesting we go for an outdoor pint on FRIDAY!
Yep, can’t wait!
That’s MY POINT! The outdoor dining will be back about 100 hours by then! This is torture!
No, my friend, we need to prepare! We need to savour it when it happens! Friday evening it is!
PREPARE? I’m SO thirsty!
My friend, you need to have you stuff in order!
Huh?
Let’s just do one more pause first…
Sure!
(They pause to calculate how much money they haven’t spent on pints since March 2020, and then prolong the pause to wonder where the excess money has gone)
HOW DO I PREPARE? HELP ME!
Remember the words of the great one…ROY!
Roy Rogers? Is it Roy Rogers?
NO! ROY…
Roy Walker, is it Roy Walker from Catchphrase? Say what you see! Is it Roy?
No, ROY KEANE!
Huh?
Fail to prepare, prepare to fail!
Oh, that!
Yep, THAT!
So?
You need to come prepared! To the beer garden!
Okay, so what do I need?
Sunglasses!
Hopefully!
A change of clothes, in case it rains!
Ridiculous!
Sanitiser!
Fair enough!
A measuring tape!
Huh?
In case there’s any dispute over social distancing…
Hmmnn…
Headphones.
Why?
In case you want to listen to music…there will be no music provided!
But we’ll be chatting…
Fair enough.
A list.
Ah yeah, we probably are A-list, in Roscommon…
No, A LIST!
A list of what?
‘Small talk’ phrases…we’re out of the habit.
Anything else?
Your own chair.
Seriously?
Just to be on the safe side.
So, a measuring tape, headphones, a change of clothes, sunglasses, a chair…this is beginning to feel like hard work!
Yeah, you’ll need a drink by the time you get there!
(They pause to check the weather forecast for Friday evening)
Well I can’t wait!
Same here!
We’ll have a few pints!
Pints, together, in a pub setting, even if it’s outdoors…magic!
We’re both vaccinated…
Thank God.
We might even have an extra pint or two…after all, it’s an historic occasion!
We might as well!
We might even have one or two shots!
No, none of that!
Huh?
This night out…it will be our version of ‘The 300-year war’.
Huh?
NO SHOTS!
