Barstool Boyos – 10 July

It was a magical day…historic!

July 4th? Independence Day? You’re a closet yank?

NO! But what a day…I was in tears.

Has Marty Morrissey got ANOTHER show? At home with Marty? Out and about with Marty? Life on Planet Marty?

NO! Please, stop interrupting me! I’m still not over the emotion of the day…it was wonderful. A moment in time!


Last week, something truly beautiful happened in my life. Maybe not quite historic, but definitely emotional, definitely a milestone of sorts, something so special, it almost lifted all the gloom of recent months…


My friend…brace yourself…I went to the barbers!


(There’s a pause on the line)


Are you still there?

YES! So that’s your milestone…your big day…your emotional experience? THAT’S IT?!

Well…yes…and I don’t apologise. It was pretty special. I felt like a new man afterwards.

How did it go?

Oh, highly dramatic. I got to the barber shop at 10 am on Friday…


…and I scanned the street for any potential Guerrilla attacks….

WHAT are you talking about? Is there a circus in town? Was there a gorilla on the loose?

No! Guerrilla attacks! It’s tense…near the barber’s! Are you not aware of the reports on social media? Hairy men wandering near barber shops, looking shifty….


Yeah, it’s a ‘thing’ now…hairy men, like snipers in a ditch, watching every move…desperate to see when the barber shop is empty, or even down to two or three customers!

Really? This is happening?

Yes, according to Facebook.

Must me true so!

IT IS true, apparently!

Hairy men ‘keeping watch’ beside barber shops…why don’t they just GO IN?

They’re waiting for when the barber’s goes quiet, when the crazy demand eases! Plus, some barbers are only allowing three customers in at a time…it’s mayhem out there!

So they wander up and down the street, looking around…

Yes! Mind you, some of them can’t see much, their hair has grown so long…! They wander up and down, then they pounce when the moment is right!

How did it fare out for you?

Well, I had a good look around, and lucky enough the street seemed to be empty, so I just went for it!

You got in?

Yes, very fortunate! There were just two customers inside! I dived into a chair, kept my head down, and began small-talking to the barber!

You WERE lucky! In and out in an hour?

Eh…five hours.

FIVE HOURS?!! Why did it take so long to get a haircut?

Half an hour waiting…20 minutes in the chair…and four hours waiting inside before it was safe to go out!

Safe to go out? I don’t get it?

Do you know what it feels like to emerge from a barber’s, hair nicely trimmed, when the faces of four hairy men are pressed tight against the window?!!