A canvassing dummy run, Mayo… and Jennifer Zamparelli

You did WHAT the other evening?

I just went on a dummy run… canvassing houses… as though I’m running for election!

And ARE YOU running for election?

Well, I’m not running in the locals, or the Europeans, but I may well run in the General Election… THAT’S why I did the dummy run!

Pretty extravagant attention to detail!

Well, life is all about the three Ps, after all!

What three Ps?


Don’t tell me! Let me guess… Prepare?

Exactly! I’m glad you agree!

So, after all your talk about forming a new political party and so on, you’re NOT running next month…


I note you didn’t consult me! So was this decision taken on some tactical basis?

You could say that, in a manner of speaking…

How so?

It was taken after my wife reminded me we’re going to Lanzarote on the night before the election!

Huh! And how did your trial canvass go?

Eh… interesting!


(They pause to complete their ‘Five ways to beat Mayo’ document, for discussion in the ‘local’ on Friday night)


So, what happened?

Well, I thought about wearing my pinstripe suit… for gravitas.

You didn’t!

But in the end, I opted for casual!


I started at 2 pm… called to a nice couple, but they were too tired to talk!

Had they been in the bog? The garden?

No, they were just home from a Bruce Springsteen concert the night before! They were exhausted!


Next house, all they wanted to talk about was Jurgen Klopp leaving Liverpool.


Next house, all they wanted to talk about was Jennifer Zamparelli leaving 2FM…

Oh for God’s sake! Didn’t anyone want to talk about inflation, or housing… the crisis-type stuff?

Next house, a lady opened the door with a smile, but her expression changed when she realised I wasn’t delivering the pizza she had ordered.

Oh dear!

On Saturday, I called to a house just after 4.30. Turns out one of the old guys who was in the pub the night we spoke about starting a political party lives there…


He had a big welcome for me…

Great! So he’ll vote for you when and if you run? What did he say?

He said: ‘Can you come in and help us connect to GAAGO? We’re struggling with it!’

Oh right… Dublin v Roscommon.


So, did ANYBODY have any views on big issues?

Well, in one house they had a few opinions on how to avert a looming crisis…


They reckoned 2FM should hold talks with the 2 Johnnies and Jennifer Zamparelli before the crisis gets any worse!